Monday, February 7, 2011

My Perception of Me - Am I too Happy Where I am?

My Perception of Me
I have read that many of you have had that feeling where you KNOW you've lost weight and you look different, but you just don't SEE it when you look in the mirror. I totally understand this. I have lost 5 sizes since I began my journey, yet, when I look in the mirror, I see the same person I've always seen. Either I had a really good self-image before I started this, or I've got a bad self-image now! LOL Actually, I'd like to think that I had a good self-image before. I've never HATED the way I looked. The biggest reason I wanted to lose weight is so that I could be healthier and more active. I wanted to do it for my future, so I could live a longer, healthier life and be more independent when I got older. When I look at my size 22 jeans, I don't see the different between those and the size 32s that I used to wear. That's just wrong! I try on something that is old and it swallows me and it becomes more real, but then I don't SEE it in the mirror.

Every once in a while I'll catch a glimpse of myself - a reflection in a store window - and I'll think "Wow, I can see it!". The other day, I was looking at my face in the mirror and I could see my jawbone so much more clearly and I had a moment of clarity. But, it's few and far between. I think I need to do some comparison photos (which I have not been doing) just to prove to myself that this is working.

Which brings me to my other topic...

Am I too happy where I am?
I am a size 22 right now, which is smaller than I've been in a very long time. I don't even remember buying this size in HS. The last size I remember buying in HS was a 26 (which was probably smaller back then due to so much "vanity sizing" now).

Sometimes I think that I am so amazed at how awesome being a 22 is, that I am not trying as hard as I should because I'm so happy where I am. The upside is that I don't hate myself. The downside is that I hope it's not putting up some kind of subconscious block that puts me in "maintain" mode when I need to get into "lets lose 60 more lbs mode"!

My goal is to be around a size 14. Smaller if I can, but I want to be able to maintain a size 14. That's about as realistic as I can get with myself because anything else seems illogical. I can change my goal one day if I want to and need to, but for now, 14 is where I would gladly be happy to stay.

Have any of you ever felt this way on "the way down"?
Could my positive outlook on my body and my appearance be hindering me? LOL

Happy Monday, everyone!


Lyla said...

I completely relate.

I have never had a really poor body image-- a realistic one, yes, but I've always had good self-esteem.

It took me until about a week ago to REALLY feel and see a difference. Before that, I could see a difference in pictures and I knew that I was smaller but I still pretty much saw myself the same way (and I was happy). The change last week was sort of instantaneous. One day, I put on my clothes and I *looked* significantly thinner in a way that was more permanent, if that makes sense. I felt transformed, and I've found it very motivating in the short term.

By the way, I am getting ready to put some 3x/2x, 18-22 clothes up for giveaway on my blog. I'd be happy to send you any- lots of "work pants" and blouses.

Bonnie said...

Maybe because you really aren't seeing the changes in the mirror it's making it more difficult to put in the effort to get smaller than a 22. You can do it, though.

Beth Ann said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I always see myself as an 18W. So when I was a 22/24W...didn't see it. Now that I'm a regular size 16...have a hard time seeing it. Now that I'm in "regular" sizes, I too have a harder time motivating myself. I think that must be completely normal and something we are going to have to conquer. :) Good luck!!