Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Fail. Fail. Fail.

It's been over a year since I've been here or even looked at a band blog until today. I hate myself so much. I stopped losing. Started gaining. Had to re-buy clothes in a larger size. It sneaks up on you fast. Of course, if you knew the crap I ate, it's a wonder I'm not a house.

I hate food. I hate sugar. I hate stress and having to work. I hate that my knees gave up on me.

How do you get a hold on it all again? This is NOT easy. This band is not the solution, I knew that, but it's a harder tool to use than I ever knew and I feel worse now that I ever did. I hate myself more now than ever before.

I thought I was better and stronger than this. I thought I wanted this. Truly wanted this. What the hell is wrong with me?