Back on Track - Things I've learned - Counting Calories

Back on Track
Wowee! Truly, I have been off track since Halloween. Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are like my "sabotage Trifecta" for the year. No real damage done, but no progress either. I've finally gotten those bad habits shaken from my system and moving past them! I finally had enough of the "cheating" mindset and I am ready to continue my journey. A HUGE part of my sabotage is all the time off that I get during holidays. It's like Halloween wet my appetite for bad things then Thanksgiving/Christmas were so un-structured that I got back into bad habits again...Being back at work in full swing has helped. It's January 28th and I have just finished my first 5-day work-week since mid-december! I was sick, we had ice/snow days added into holidays...it's been crazy!

Things I've Learned

• Well, I just now learned that pears do NOT go down well at all...I've had pear slowly moving down my pouch for about 10 minutes now and it's getting really annoying.
• I've learned that often times I over-eat out of boredom. That is how I know that structure is important to me.
• I've learned that "boredom" for me is sometimes created by my inability to focus and get things done and that my ADHD medication helps me organize my thoughts, get things done, and therefore kick "boredom" to the curb. And my ADHD medication is very important to my journey and my life.
• I've learned that it's really easy to eat things that I shouldn't. Lots of "bad for you" foods (not like pasta...think MM&Ms and King Size Kit-Kat bars) go down very easily in large quantities.
• I've learned that this band really is working for me. I had my doubts for a while...I was afraid I was going to fail, but if I made it from Halloween to mid-January without gaining insane amounts of weight, this thing is WORKING. I can no longer eat the amount of food I used to be able to and that is helping considerably. I may not have "rocked the band" for the last couple of months, but it was still there standing guard.
• I've learned that even when I'm "off-track", I still have the willpower to do this right and it has been the best decision I've ever made.
• I've learned that the 60lbs I've lost so far have made a HUGE difference in my life! I feel so much better now and I have so much more to look forward to.

Counting Calories
I've been back into the habit of writing everything down, setting calories goals and all that good stuff. I have to estimate calories sometimes because I'm just not the kind of person who is going to figure out how many calories the pot of homemade Vegetable Beef Soup I just made has in it and how many calories are in 1 cup of it. I also can't go into my small-town sandwich shop and expect them to be able to tell me how many calories their 1/2 wrap has in it. So, I have to estimate based on ingredients. I think I'm doing a pretty good job, but I wish I knew exactly so I could have a better idea where my inabilities to estimate are. I usually look up each ingredient online and then guess about how much of that ingredient was in my portion. I had 1/2 of a whole wheat wrap, so I look up whole wheat wraps, find the largest one that has the most calories, and half that number. At least if I'm fudging numbers, I know that I'm picking the highest number of calories, so that gives me a little wiggle room. Then I look up bacon and estimate that there may have been 2 entire pieces on my wrap...then the turkey...which I know was Boar's Head brand...but there wasn't much on there, so I figure it was about 3/4th of a serving... Very little mayo, so I guessed 1Tbs...Spicey Mustard was so low that it goes into the category of the lettuce & tomato that don't count!

I hope my logic of calorie estimating is reasonable because I have to do an awful lot of it sometimes. How do you guys "estimate" calories?

Distracted? Me? No!.... wait, yes!

Back in April of 2009 when I decided to pursue getting approval for LapBand surgery, I began jumping through my insurance companies hoops and cutting all their red tape. I had to be on a doctor-monitored weight loss schedule for 6 months that included monthly visits, weigh-ins, and "evidence" that I had tried to make progress on my own.

I was so glad that I had to do this. Yes, it slowed me down, but I got to know my doctor's office and build a relationship with them (I ended up going 13 months in a row!) and learned a lot about the state of my health. I learned that I do have arthritis in my knees, that I had high blood pressure, and that my cholesterol was great! I learned that B-vitamins are so important, and I finally figured out why my memory had been SO terrible.

I originally thought that my memory was related to poor nutrition or something. I couldn't focus on anything and I couldn't remember a task for more than 1 minute. Someone at work would ask me for a file and then 2 seconds later, I'd forget to send it to them. I was easily distracted and VERY forgetful. It was beginning to really cause a problem at work (I think it was more a personal problem of me being stressed because I couldn't remember things than it was the bosses getting tired of me forgetting). When I talked to my doctor's office about it, the first thing they said was "Have you ever been tested for ADHD?". No. I never thought about it.

She gave me the test (similar to this one online) and WOW. I was checking "yes" more often than not and I was thinking "This is my life!" They gave me a low dose of the adult ADHD drug Vyvanse to try out. Initially I was on 40mg because they want a dose that is low enough and still works - especially if you have high blood pressure. I think they only allowed me to take this because my blood pressure wasn't sky high, just moderately high...

At the time, I wasn't so sure if I believed in adult ADHD - it seemed like a cop-out or something for being a lazy spazoid, but once I tried it, it made a HUGE difference. I can focus, I remember things easier, and I get things done which alleviates a lot of stress. I get stressed out when I have these big "to do" lists and when the list gets too long, sometimes I just shut down all-together. That is not good. The longer things remain unattended to, the more stressed I get. Stress is not good.

Why am I reminded of this now, you ask? And what does this have to do with WLS?

Well, in preparation for LapBand, I took a little Vyvanase vacation. In my mind, I wanted to make sure my blood pressure was as even as possible and thought that not taking it for a week, would do that. That though process was my own - no medical person ever told me that. I don't go stark raving mad when I don't take it, but I do lose focus over time. During my recovery, I was also off of Vyvanse and have since have not been on it regularly.

I have been so distracted and scattered for the last few weeks (just read yesterday's post) that I decided that I have to pick it up again. I don't function nearly as well without it! I'm on 50mg now and that is plenty for me to function, but not have the sleeplessness that can be a side-effect. I think I have more sleeplessness the longer I go withOUT taking it!

One of the side-effects is described as "decreased appetite", but I would describe it more as a "blocker of obsessive food thoughts". It's not why I began taking the medication, but I can tell you, that it really helps me control all obsessive thoughts that lead to over-eating or unhealthy eating. Even with this commitment to a healthy life-style, I will obsess over healthy foods as well. I haven't given in, but I will spend all day searching for a recipe. This drug makes me not care so much about what I eat as long as it's good for me and fuels my body. It makes me care less about the experience of eating and more about the necessity of it. It doesn't take the pleasure out of food, but it takes the greediness out of my brain. Alleviating the stress of being mentally unorganized also helps by lessening the chances of my eating out of frustration. Which I realize I am prone to do.

I've been thinking about talking to a psychologist about it and getting my prescription handled by them rather than my general practitioner's office. For one, they may give me a script that includes refills rather than having to pay $10 for a refill request. For another, I can reassure myself that this is the best medicine and the best dose for me. AND, lastly, I get to "talk it out" with someone who understands. Even if it's just that once, I think it might have a positive effect on my successful loss with this LapBand, ya know?

It's time to get back on track mentally. Now that my body is on track, the brain needs to follow suit!